How much is enough? Where do you draw the line? What's the point of being the richest man in the cemetery? Well-worn phrases, and all for good reason. I've been thinking more about the hedonic treadmill and why it touched such a chord when I first read about it. It goes a lot deeper than just my apparent addiction to golf equipment and I thought it was worth exploring further.
My previous conversations about seeking happiness and contentment started to touch on this but were written before I came across the hedonic treadmill theory. I talked then about having found contentment in my post-retirement personal life but not quite getting there with my golf. Stepping away from work involved reassessing many things about my life and lifestyle and answering some of the questions above. The answers that were right for me will likely not be right for you though and we all need to find our own individual path. Answering them truthfully helped me to slow the treadmill down. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think we run on more than one treadmill at a time (metaphorically speaking obviously). There is likely still an element of social comparison theory at play here for me too, although I'm definitely much better in that regard these days. I don't know if I will ever be completely off the treadmills.
While I've had to adapt to no longer having the regular income I did when working, a bit like my middle daughter, I love a bargain, and often find it hard to resist when I see one! The allure of the shiny new object that will "enhance" my life if I were to own it is still there, despite knowing that it is rarely true. Witness the new "clearance deal" mountain bike purchase I'm considering at the moment (at least it's not golf related this time) or the allure of the tax benefits of switching to an electric car.
While I believe the quote above gets some things right, it also talks about a "natural and usual state of happiness" and I have to disagree with that bit. I seriously don't believe that happiness is fixed at a pre-determined level. I have found that expectation management and gratitude have been key ingredients to finding happiness (contentment) and I have definitely improved my "usual state" as a result of practising them. Maybe the bar was set low and I was just a grumpy, miserable old bastard before though!
Expectation management doesn't mean letting go of ambition or not following dreams and desires. It also doesn't mean settling for the way things are either. I think it's about really understanding what's important to you and letting the rest go. For example, in my other thread, I was placing so much importance on getting to a scratch golf handicap that I was ruining my enjoyment of the game as a result. I'm looking forward to writing my review of the golfing year as I've met some amazing people and had some great experiences this year for which I am very grateful. Gratitude helps find the positive in situations and reduces the downward spiral of dwelling on the negative. I am reminded of the poem my friend Brian McAuley told me:
"Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift,
That's why it's called the present".
Happiness needs to be nurtured and I have tried to bring more of a daily gratitude discipline into my life. I also tried to make it part of a family Sunday dinner ritual where we all could say what we were grateful for that week, but it's not taken off yet - a bit like playing Uno! Mindfulness and self-care have definitely become more important to me and I've tried to explore that in previous posts. Slowing down, engaging your senses and really enjoying the simple pleasures around you. Writing these blog posts has also helped me and, hopefully, talking about these topics can help others too (feel free to engage in the comments sections). The process of writing has given me the desire to learn more about Philosophy and Psychology and set me on the path to exploring the prospect of doing an Open University degree. It has also reignited the enjoyment of writing and reading poetry, and with some guidance from my friend Eben Harrell, I am exploring that more actively now too.
To quote Viktor Frankl from Man's Search for Meaning, “Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.”
We only get one journey on the train of life, but we also get to stop at stations along the way, look around and decide to change track if we want.
Happiness IS NOT pre-determined.
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